How the chosen family at House of Vineyard changes lives

House of Vineyard, the Netherlands' first Ballroom House, is more than just a group of friends. Many of the members come from groups that experience marginalisation in everyday society. That’s why they found their own chosen family, and that’s why for them it’s even more important to be able to meet with like-minded people at a safe place, like a ball. During a ball, the club changes into a runway, where ballroom houses engage in sweltering battles. Participants compete in various categories, for instance by posing to the beat, or by emulating a supermodel's walk in elaborate outfits.

Amber and Elly are the mother and father of House of Vineyard. Together they have been a crucial part of the development of the Dutch Ballroom scene. Ballroom is a subculture that has its roots in Black and brown queer and trans communities in New York City, most notably African-American and Latinx trans women and gay men.

Together with VICE, we spend a full day with them: first at The Social Hub Amsterdam City, to witness how they meet as a family. For the queer members of House of Vineyard, The Social Hub aims to be a safe space where they can be whoever they want to be or host workshops, but also a playroom where they get ready before they have a ball. Later in the night, we are invited to take a look during Amber’s class. But first we have a burger and fries and talk to Amber and Elly about how they met and what ballroom means to them.

Hi Amber and Elly! Let’s jump back in time a bit first: how did you first come in contact with ballroom?

Elly: I was born and raised on the Caribbean Island of Sint Maarten. When a friend of mine went on a trip to New York City in 2008, he came in touch with ballroom culture there. When he came back to the island, he showed me some videos. At first I was like: what the hell is going on here? Because I lived on such a small island, with so many taboos, I couldn’t even imagine something like ballroom. Over time, I got hooked on it. It was so warming to see that there were people like me out there. I was really touched by that. It changed my life.

Amber: The first time I saw it was when I met my ballroom father Archie Burnett, grandfather of the House of Ninja. I had the privilege of meeting him when he taught classes at a hip hop festival in Germany. I observed how he moved through the space and played with gender. He showed masculinity but could switch to femininity in the blink of an eye. Not mocking it, but truly embodying femininity. That’s when I realised I could be male and female at the same time. It was like someone had switched on a light, I immediately felt I had to dive deeper into that world.

What happened after that?

Amber: It felt like I had discovered something new. Something not only I, but so many more people needed. I also realised I couldn’t do this by myself. So I went back to The Netherlands, thinking: how can I draw these people in closer? I started reaching out to people in the ballroom community, and persuaded them to come to the Netherlands.

But there was no ballroom community in the Netherlands back then?

Amber & Elly: Nothing. We built it all ourselves.

That was 2008. When did the two of you meet?

Elly: We met at the first ball Amber held, in 2013. Both of us had been in The Netherlands for a long time, but we were in different social circles. Neither of us knew the other existed. I was part of a dance crew in Rotterdam, at that point in time the only group doing vogue. We did tv shows and commercial events as voguers, but there was less and less work for us. That’s when all of a sudden there was Amber with her ball. I went there thinking: if it’s not us hosting this type of event, who is? We were totally unaware of the fact that more people in the Netherlands were doing ballroom at that time. So when I came to this party and saw this woman on stage I was like: wow, who’s that?

Amber: That ball was in Bird, in Rotterdam. Philip Powel, one of the founders of Bird, asked me to host it. At first I thought: how am I going to host a ball without a ballroom community? But you know what? Challenge accepted. The community had to start somewhere.

What was the first thing you said to each other?

Elly: The first thing Amber said was: Why didn’t you join? I told her I was just there to see what was going on. That was the start of our connection. The next time she organised a ball, she told me: you have to join. And I was like: yeah, I will definitely join.

How does it work when someone wants to join your ballroom house?

Amber: That’s hard to say. Everyone follows their own path. There’s not one way to join. It’s all about feeling.  

Elly: We’re looking for something, without having to look. We see someone, and when we feel this thing we call ‘the Vineyard thing’, we ask them to join. People have joined our house without even saying a word to us. We saw them and thought: there’s… 

Amber: …Something. It’s very hard to explain. But what I find interesting is how sexy people get after they join us. Every single member of our house has an enormous sex appeal. It has to do with confidence, and with the fact they feel comfortable around us.

It seems like you feel right at home here. What makes The Social Hub such a good spot to meet?

Amber: The people. They’re willing to cooperate. During Pride week, for example, I was invited to give lectures here multiple times. To us, Pride is more than a party. It’s also a protest. It’s nice to see that the people at The Social Hub put an effort to invite the right people to teach their community new stuff. For us this is a great place to plant seeds, so to say.

How did you first become part of the community here?

Amber: Well, I became part of this community by taking action and reaching out to ask how we could collaborate. As a ball house mother and pioneer, I felt that it was the moment for us to set something up, and the only thing we needed was a space to hold meetings for all ball house leaders in the country. Before, we met at my place, and there weren't enough chairs for everyone to sit. But now, we have The Social Hub, which has given us a space to meet comfortably. You know what it is? Companies often say they want to give back to the community. Well, this is what they can do: offer us spaces to meet.

In the past ten years ballroom in The Netherlands has grown from very niche to almost mainstream. How do you feel about that?

Amber: There are two sides to that. We want to build bridges, teach people new things, and make different people understand each other better. Everything we do is highly political. At the same time you see that, like everything that becomes too commercial, a lot of the meaning and what we stand for gets lost.

It’s clear that you devote a lot of your time to ballroom. When you have a day off, what do you do to relax?

Amber: There’s no such thing as a day off. Never. This is my house, my chosen family. This is my life, it’s not a hobby. Ballroom is not something you take up because you feel like doing so.

Elly: That’s something society has a hard time understanding. Everything we do is glorified, but nobody sees that this is how we live. In that sense it’s also a burden. It’s not always glamour, it’s not always beauty. We have to protect the essence of ballroom. We have to protect our people.

Elly, imagine if your friend never went on that trip to New York. And Amber, imagine if you never went to that festival in Germany.  Could you imagine a life without ballroom?

Elly: Never. 

Amber: No. And I wished I had gotten to know it sooner. I think for young people it can really save their life.

Has it saved yours?

Amber: I think so, yes. But I think that goes for most of the people in our scene. If you don’t have a home or a family, you have to find your own chosen family. That’s what a ballroom house is, an acknowledgement of your existence.

Elly: Many of us come from families that didn’t accept us. We aren’t seen, aren’t tolerated. That’s where ballroom plays its biggest part, because it’s a place where we decide who we surround ourselves with. Over here, there’s acceptance on a level most of us couldn’t even imagine in everyday society.